Sometimes I feel I'm walking on thin ice. A small failure makes my confidence disappear suddenly. It feels like I'm crap at everything and I'm worthless. I felt like that the other day but luckily recovered quite quickly which is rare for me.
The first class of physics and I couldn't understand a thing of what the teacher was saying. I could only stare at the black board and think "wtf am I going to do... I can't fail now." I knew it was because of the lack of studying because I didn't study AT ALL during spring break. Although I had to study, I couldn't get myself together to do it. However, the next day I thought it's not late to do it all from the start. I'm not under the stress the others are having (it's stressful for me too but that's tiny compared to the others) and there aren't tests coming up yet. So today I made it an All Physics Day. I'm concentrating on Wave which we are doing now. I'm glad to say I've understood the textbook and all I have to do now is practise. It sounds like a small step but I feel I've made a big progress so far.
I am also having trouble with maths and chemistry too but I will try my best to understand.
I need have more self-confidence. At school, friends tell me I'm good at English when I'm down. It sounds to me like I'm shit without English which is completely true so it doesn't cheer me up. It must be easier to be confident if you have something you're good at. Out of school, I'm not good at anything. Knowing this, my confidence is like ice that can break any time.
Oh, come on! I couldn't even pass a sport's kid's math or science class! I never understood any physics or math class I was in and only passed because I blackmailed one teacher and threatened another with extreme mayhem!
ReplyDeleteHowever, you still manage to get through your classes, which are far above any UK university math or physics class you will ever take at least at the basic level, and you will get through this year's classes as well. Does anybody ever fail? Does anybody ever not graduate in Japan? Just keep plugging away and try to get whatever minimum score you need to "pass". University in England will be 4 years of really enjoyable classes with some interesting people and experiences as well. That's all you need to think about. Japan is all about stress and tests and England is all about getting a real education which is not what you are getting here. You will know the difference when spend some time at Exeter and then you will laugh at all the poor sods over here that spend their lives training to take tests and rarely ever learn anything.
Just do what you need to do to get to England and do not measure yourself by this sado-masochistic standard they have here in Japan. Lucky for you that you can escape. The others in your class don't have that option and will probably never know what they are missing.