Saturday, 26 June 2010

When An Invisible Tranny Becomes Visible

I've been watching transition documentary vids on YouTube by many people (mostly female to male) and it's surprising to see that they look so un-tranny. I mean, you wouldn't realize that they are trans if you see them walking down the street. This is because they are on hormones (Testosterone). If you listen to them talk before T and after, the change is CLEAR.

The Voice Change Is DRASTIC.

People who aren't on T sounds like a woman's voice trying to sound like man, you know? I've written in my previous post that I'm very conscious about my voice and I guess I sound like a woman trying to sound manly too. It takes a lot of effort to keep my voice low and it's very tiring to have to think about the pitch before every time I speak. If I say something without thing about my voice and controlling it, it comes out as a complete female voice which is very embarrassing.
I think I don't look too feminine if I don't speak except for the fact that my hips are quite curvy. I'm an INvisible Tranny.

Once I speak, I become a Visible Tranny.

The other day, when I was talking with my friends when waiting for the school bus to leave school, a friend of the friend I was talking to came up to us. My friend asked him out of the blue if he thought that I was a girl or a boy. He instantly said "Girl, obviously" so I asked him why he thought so and he said "your voice is high."

Yeah. I agree with you.

I wasn't offended both by my friend for asking the question or this guy for being too honest. I guess I've grown up. :-)

Anyway, voice is one of the things that makes a tranny visible.

Another thing is my name.

My really name is not Shane and I don't write my on school papers unless it's REALLY necessary.

My real name means "Love child" in Japanese which is a nice name but it screams out that I'm not really a guy. I envy unisex names like Hikaru (meaning light) and Yuuki (has various meanings).

"Shane" is a unisex name and sounds good and it's the name of my favorite character on The L Word. The Shane on The L Word is a very considerate person and the kind of person who I want to be.

As I won the speech contest the other day, my name will be on the school newspaper. I fear that when people who just know my surname and don't know that I'm trans will be confused.

There's a girl in the sports class who says she's my fan since I did a presentation in front of the whole year (which is like 600 students) last year. I don't see her often but every time she sees me, she waves at me and I wave back. She even said "I love youuuuuu!!!!!!" the other day which was very sweet.
I don't know what will think when she sees my name in the newsletter.

Friday, 25 June 2010

Summer is not hot

NO I don't live in the Southern hemisphere. It is getting hot outside. Sensitive teachers like to turn the air conditioning right up and for students who sit under where the cold air comes out, it is torture.
We had IT class today and as we went into the computer room, nearly all of us gasped "God it's freezing in here!" I don't know how clod it was but it was obvious that it was too cold. Nobody could be bothered to change the settings and I was practically rubbing my hands though the 55 minute class. When the class finally was over, I rushed out the freezing room. I could feel my body was cold. It was a relief that the next class was PE (basketball) and I warmed up.

The teachers are still in the discussion about whether they will allow us to take off our ties during the summer. The teachers who are against it says if students take of their ties, they wouldn't wear the uniforms properly. Fear enough, many students wear their uniforms badly. Wearing it badly means mini-skirts, wearing the trousers baggy, shirts hanging out. But with people screaming "Stop global warming!", it only makes sense if they stop using the air conditioning so much.
The people who say "Turn the air conditioning on!!!!" as soon as they come into the class room is the ones who are so goddamn sensitive.

Monday, 21 June 2010


Today my AMAZING teacher lent me a photo book about a graffiti artist called Banksy. It's nothing like I've seen before and it's really cool. I like looking at graffiti art if I happen to see one but there's not many that I can figure out what is says. Most of the ones I see here in Japan are really crappy compare to the ones in the UK. Here is a little photo I took in Bath when I went this year.

This is not very impressive like the ones that Banksy does.

My favorite artist is Dylan Scholinski and he is also the author of my favorite book "The Last Time I Wore A Dress."


OK so I was pissed off with my racist friend and I was ignoring him for a couple of days. However, I came to think that ignoring wouldn't solve anything so we talked it out. He seems to understands now that China and Russia won't start a war against Japan because one of my cleverer friends gave a good reason why they won't (Japan imports a lot from China and Russia and if they start a war, it won't do good for them).
So that's done (although there still are problems about him like he doesn't listen to what I want to say and likes to go on and on about black people).
There's a girl in my class who seems to be starting to notice that many of her girl friends are not being friendly to her. I think the fault is hers because she's getting more and more selfish. She doesn't come and clean the class room when she's supposed to and looks like she's thinking only about her own studying and helping out others is less important.
Everyone is under pressure this year because it's the big year preparing for the entrance exam for university. She's not the only one.
I just hope I'm not that kind of person.

Sunday, 20 June 2010

Marriage, Devorce, and Happiness

I've been looking at gay family blogs and the photos of them look so happy (check this out. They made my heart warm). This is only my assumption but maybe gay couples appreciate their marriage more than heterosexual couples because it's only legalized in some areas and don't take it for granted. I'm not saying that family blogs of heterosexual couples aren't happy. So I decided to find out if my assumption is true.

Divorce Rate in Same-SexPartnerships In Sweden says that
"between 1995 and 2002, there were 1,526 gay partnerships contracted, compared to 280,000 for heterosexual couples."
"The survey revealed a high rate of legal divorce among homosexual couples in Sweden. Gay male couples were 50% more likely to divorce within an eight-year period than were heterosexuals; and lesbian couples were 167% more likely to divorce than heterosexual couples. According to IMAPP: "Even among childless households, same-sex male partnerships experienced almost a 50% higher likelihood (1.49 times as likely) of divorce during the study period, while childless lesbian couples were three times as likely (200% higher likelihood) to break up as a married couple without children.""

...hmmm. Maybe it's like that because there aren't many gay marriages compared to heterosexual marriages.

According to another website in the Netherlands,
"Between April 2001, when gay marriage was legalised, and December 2003 there have been 5 751 gay marriages and 63 divorces, according to figures gathered from city registers.
In the same period, there were around 243 000 heterosexual marriages and 2 800 heterosexual divorces in the country of 16 million. "

So the divorce rate of gay marriages was 1.095% and that of straight marriages 1.152%. Oooh. Just a slight difference... But WHATEVER!!!!!!!!! GAYS BE GAY (in a happy way)!!!!!!

And not to forget the trannies. There must be problems if a transgender person wants to get married. This is about whether the person can change the gender legally.

Saturday, 19 June 2010


I'm now writing a letter to the girl I'm sponsoring in El Salvador. I was going to get a hair band for her and I found a rainbow one but after I got it and came home, I found out that it was just a long rainbow elastic band. I couldn't tell when I was buying it because it was bundled up. I chose the rainbow because I don't know what colour she likes. So anyway, I'm left with this long rainbow elastic. I cut it in three pieces and braided it and made this. I wanted it to be something she can put on her hair but it came out as a bracelet.
I hope she likes it!!

Wednesday, 16 June 2010

Child Sponsorship

The child sponsorship kit came yesterday. The person I'm going to be supporting lives in El Salvador and she is 14 years old. I can't write much about her here because of privacy but I will definitely write to her. I want to know what her life is like in a place I've never thought about. When I found out that I'm supporting someone in El Salvador, I was like "Where the hell is that???" I had heard the name of the country but knew nothing about it and still don't.

Oh, and her middle name is Marina and this got me excited. Marina was the hottie character on the L Word.

Sunday, 13 June 2010


I got this from my friend. She is fucking amazing. It's god to have something you're really good at. I spent 2.5 hours talking with her and another friend of mine.
Also, I think it's awesome for her to be out as a lesbian although she says she's trying to act "normal." My other friend kept telling her to watch what she says in public such as "swimming pools is a girls' paradise!" This is totally what I was trying to say in the speech. Conversation about LGBT shouldn't be something that should be kept quiet.

Saturday, 12 June 2010

School Festival and Other Shit

First things first. I won the Speech contest and got a big ass plastic trophy and a pen and a certificate. I will move on to the next level-speech at Tokyo.

The next big thing is that I registered to a Child Sponsorship run by World Vision. It's a program to help children in poor countries by sending money monthly. What's exciting about it is I get to write letters to the person I'm helping! I may even get to meet them! Maybe that's what I'll do during the period after I graduate high school and before going into university. I'm excited already.

I found out about this because there was a booth and a talk during the school festival about children in Africa. I was really honestly sad to realize so many very young children live difficult lives. I don't want to be someone who talks about war like my crazy weird "friend."

I'm getting really annoyed by him. I have to stick with his bullshit racist talk until graduation because I have lunch with him everyday.

Yesterday, he said "I saw the Australian English teacher just now. I wonder why he's here in Japan." It didn't sound like he was wondering out of curiosity. It was like "why the hell are you in MY country? Why don't you go back to Australia?" So I said "Why don't you just ask?" although I knew he wouldn't because he never talks to someone who is not Japanese. Anyway, he went on and on about why the teacher lives in Japan and I got so fucking irritated so I said "That's not your fucking business! Now just SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

...OK maybe I didn't say "shut the fuck up" but I got the hell out of there. Jeez. He's hopeless.

Friday, 11 June 2010

Logo and Funny Dog Vid

Hey check this out. YouTube's logo is a World Cup mode today!!

I found this vid while I was browsing. I was laughing so hard, I couldn't breathe!!

Thursday, 10 June 2010

Today, we had to prepare for the festival at school which will start tomorrow. I didn't have much to do, and neither did my friend, so we sat there doing nothing. Well, we chatted.
Hmmm, to be honest, most of the time, I listened to him talk.
About the same thing that he said yesterday.
And the day before.
And the day before the day before.
I think I sat there listening for more than 2 hours.

According to him, if he gets rid of the US Army from Okinawa and other places is Japan, China and Russia will start attacking Japan and a war will brake out. (I asked him how he's going to make the US Army go away and he said "I don't know.")
I asked where he'd evacuate to if a war starts and he paused so I said "Why don't you go to Australia?" and he said "I don't like Australia." So I said "What about New Zealand?" and he didn't say anything. Eventually he replied "I think I'd go to Brazil."
So he started to talk about Brazil.
"Brazil is one of the BRICs countries and that's because they get lots of fish from the Amazon. The Amazon made them rich. The Amazon is so cool. The Amazon is blah blah blah."
I said "I don't think the Amazon is the reason why Brazil became rich. I read that they started to produce bio ethanol from corn and sugar canes and that's where they get money from. They are cutting down the rain forest to grow corn and sugar canes and that's becoming a big problem."
He said "Maybe that's a PART of the reason. The Amazon has fishes and Brazilians eat fish from the Amazon."

He went on to races.
"There are white people and black people in Brazil and Brazil is run by white people and they are the ones who are intelligent so they are rich. Black people can't live in Rio be Janeiro because they aren't intelligent so they are poor. Rio be Janerio is where rich people live."
I said "you're being racist."
He said "when did I say something racist?"
I said "uhhh, just now."
He said "What did I say?"
I said "you said black people are stupid."
He didn't reply.

I asked him "why do you bring up someones skin colour all the time?"
He said "I don't know."

A few minutes later, he asked me "Why do I mention races all the time?"
I said "I want to know the answer!"

I don't have the best ability to describe this and I want to write more but my mum's asleep and I don't want to wake her up with me typing so I will stop here but believe me, I nearly cried by the unpleasantness of his opinions.
I was not astonished anymore.
Or angry.
Or sad.

I was speechless.

Sunday, 6 June 2010

The Importance of Being OUT

Here's a part of "The Planet: The Podcast For L Word Fans!" Elka and KC (both are lesbians) are talking about the reason to be out. It's quite long but I think all of it is true. The whole podcast canbe listened here at Off-Season Podcast 05-03-06.

Elka: At least we can’t be criticized for not being out enough. We’re the outest people ever.

KC: I finally bought an mp3 player. So I’ve been listening to the other podcasts and I’ve also...

Elka: Oh I didn’t know that.

KC: Not very many. I’ve just listened to like 2 of everybody. And I’ve also been reading some of the blog stuff and I’m really surprised that the other people who are doing the podcasts aren’t out. One of them was talking about how um... they have to re-do their house whenever their parents were coming over.

Elka: Oh I know what you’re talking about.

KC: And I was really surprised that those girls aren’t out, totally.

Elka: I think the girl who had to re-do her house is pretty young.

KC: Oh.

Elka: I mean all these people on the blogs are pretty young. Like I said you gotta be out by the time you’re 30.

KC: No I think early 20s. I’m not saying it was wrong. I’m just surprised.

Elka: Well, I’m just saying this because some of them got hate mail for not being out enough. You’re not the right kind of gay like that kind of bullshit. Which…

KC: No, I’m not saying that. I’m just surprised. And then the people who posted to their blogs I was reading a lot of comments and a lot of people... I guess I just forget about the other groups of people honestly. Part of the thing is I think it’s SO so important to be out. It’s the most important thing that you can do as a gay person.

Elka: I agree totally.

KC: It’s more important than voting, it’s more important than, I was thinking…

Elka: Recycling.

KC: Than furthering your career. It’s the most important thing you could do because if you’re not out then everybody’s never gonna know and nothing’s ever gonna change and plus you feel so much better when you’re out. That’s the smallest part of why it’s important. I’m not saying oh those girls are… I mean everybody has their time and their time hasn’t come yet. I’m assuming they aren’t gonna stay in the closet forever. They seem like intelligent people. I’m not saying that at all. They’re probably just young or maybe still dependant in some way, I don’t know. But I was surprised.

Elka: Not everyone is as cool as my mom (*When Elka came out to her mom, her reaction was “OK, can we go shopping now?”). I mean, I’m like the luckiest queer alive in that respect. For one thing, if you’re out, if someone on the border line and they’re homophobic, but they don’t know why, they meet you and you’re out and you challenge them in some way, not like argue with them but you challenge their bigotry you could be paving the way for the next gay person they meet. So then the kid that comes after to you doesn’t have to be the first gay person they’ve met, you know? So that’s one thing you can do by being out. I mean you’re an adult, you’re tough girl or guy, you’re strong you’re independent, you’re confident, be out, because you’re gonna be helping out some kid who’s not as independent as you are.

KC: I’ve been out for over a decade now and literally hundreds of people have told me that I’m the first gay person they knew and they’re surprised that I’m “normal” and they were capable of getting along with me and I didn’t try to persuade them and all this stuff. Hundreds of people told me that and a lot of them were older people and if I’m the first gay person they knew, they might not have met one for five or ten years. I mean I don’t know.

Elka: You’re not the first gay person they knew but you’re the first out person.

KC: Right. Right.

Elka: I mean, everybody knows someone who’s gay but a lot of people… we’re the only ones they know that are out! Yeah and it’s not even… I mean we live in a red state but it’s not hard to be out here. Got yelled at before and stuff but…

KC: Yeah.

Elka: We even had a situation that was kinda scary but it’s worth it.

KC: I think most people the number one thing that they fear is rejection from their parents.

Elka: Uh huh. Even more than just setting a good example or changing people’s biases or whatever, I think the most important reason to be out, especially young people, when you’re in the closet and you are starting relationships, being in the closet teaches kids how to lie to everyone they care about in their formative years. It’s like teenagers who are gay are trained in how to lie and deceive the people that they care about the most. And then, you know, when you’re in your 20s you want to date one of these people and it’s like… some people get fucking warped and it’s because they’ve lied to everyone everyday for the past 10 years and it turns people fucking nuts.

KC: Ha-ha! Yeah I think so.

Elka: And I hate that! I mean I do not want to date someone who is a well practiced liar and I just think it’s just so sad that people are being trained how to lie better.

KC: Yeah. About something that’s so natural, even.

Elka: Well because you can’t just be a complete fucking liar about one part of your life and be a good honest person about everything else. Don’t you think that dishonesty bleats over and taints over someone’s personality after a while?

KC: I’ve never ever thought about it that way so I don’t know.

Elka: I think that this is why so many of us have had like negative dating experiences and crazy stalkers and shit like that.

KC: No the reason why there are crazy stalkers is because there are crazy dudes in the world.

Elka: I’m talking about lesbian stalkers.

KC: I’ve never had a lesbian stalker. Well of course they exist.

Elka: Well, I’m saying I think that’s what turns lesbians in to like crazy stalkers. Lying and dishonestly warps their minds.

KC: Ok, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Elka: How can you create like a healthy relationship with your girlfriend if everyday your life you’re lying to everybody?

KC: Ok.

Elka: I’m done with that. It’s ironic that you bring that up because I had a poll pre-written for what I wanted the poll to be this week and by the way we’re still taking your season 3 highs and lows. We’re gonna do a whole show about that.

KC: Wait, I’m not done with that topic yet. Well the other thing about coming out is that, this has happened to me a lot and I love this part of it cause I don’t know why… I like to be in the spot light.

Elka: Hehe apparently!

KC: Well one of the thing that happens a lot is someone who hasn’t been around someone who is out, they almost immediately, after knowing, start asking these questions that, you can tell like they’ve wondered about this for years but they’ve never known a gay person to ask and I love it because the questions are so dumb.

Elka: Ahahahaha!

KC: But they are so fun to answer. Hahaha. When I first moved in to New Mexico, I worked at this office job and it was like the lamest job ever but it was an office of about 10 people and we just sat all day and did our work. The day when somebody finally asked me or whatever which is a couple of weeks I think or maybe a couple of months after I started working there, they found out that I was gay or somebody if I had a boyfriend, I said no I’m gay. I don’t remember how I came out there but I did. And within 20 minutes the whole office was asking me questions like I was on a talk show.

Elka: Hahahahaha!

KC: It was so funny. Hey were like “so is one of you like the man and the other a woman?” they were surprised that I was, I wasn’t even offended because I knew the questions were coming but they were surprised that that wasn’t an offensive question and the most basic questions, you know. Obviously the one that comes up is “What do you do in bed?” Usually men ask that. But this was mostly women working office and so we had already talked about all kinds of stuff you really shouldn’t be talking about in the office but you do. The flood gates were open. And I just love that. Cause you could tell that some of them have been saving it up or they didn’t know who to ask for a reliable answer or they’ve been told by straight men the answer is totally bullshit. That’s another reason cause it’s kinda fun. It’s been way more enjoyable to come out than it has been bad experiences. I’ve hardly had any bad experiences with coming out, actually. Sometimes it’s interesting cause you’re like “what do they think??”

Elka: A lot of people hate those stupid questions that straight people ask us, though. I think you’re in a huge minority of actually not minding that.

KC: Really?

Elka: I don’t mind it either because I’m too much information girl anyway. A lot of people are like “what I do is none of your fucking business, straighty!”

KC: Oh. Well I think it’s interesting. And they don’t know the challenges. They know that people look down on gay people but they don’t realize all the legal issues involved with not being able to get married, not being able to adopt a kid and all this like they never thought about it. Heath insurance.

Elka: They never think of that.

KC: No never. I mean NEVER. So…

Elka: I mean when you say something about gay marriage or gay rights, all they think about is 2 guys in a groom outfit walking down the aisle in church. They never think about someone like me getting sick and my partner not being able to take care of me because were discriminated against in health benefits. And that’s what matters. I don’t give a fuck about throwing rice at the church. I care about, you know, if my girlfriend gets sick, then I’m gonna be allowed in the room, even though I’m gonna have to turn around and leave again cause I can’t stand the sight of blood or needles.

KC: I mean we can go for days talking about how important it is to be out.

Elka: At the same time we're not judging people who aren’t ready yet.

KC: No.

Elka: That has to be a goal. If you're not out yet, you have to set that goal to be out because you can’t stay in the closet for your whole life.

KC: And if you feel you’re putting it off, set a limit on the time. Just be like “ok I’m gonna be out by the time I’m 29 “or 28 of whatever.

Elka: No you can come out before that. Don’t be like “well I’ll come out on my 29th birthday.” If you’re 22 and you’re out of the house and feel ready, don’t wait until you’re 30 just cause I said so.

KC: I think you should come out as soon as you can. As soon as you safely can.

Wednesday, 2 June 2010

President Panic!

The prime minister resigned today...AGAIN! How many prime ministers has there been in the past few years?? Let's check wiki.
I can remember from Mori (2000-2001) and this follows.
Koizumi (2001-2006)
Abe (2006-2007)
Fukuda (2007-2008)
Aso (2008-2009)
Hatoyama (2009-2010)
Wow. 4 prime ministers in 4 years!? No wonder I can't remember all of them! Isn't there any politician who can do something? It might be better if we got Paris Hilton to be president.

Tuesday, 1 June 2010


One of my classmates seems to be under pressure. Her grinding when she's sleeping is so intense that the nerves in her back teeth are exposed and she had to go to the dentist. I overheard her say that the dentist told her the cause was stress, lack of sleep and lack of nutrition. I've never hear someone grind their teeth and was curious what it sounds like so checked the vids on YouTube. It sounds like it's very powerful.