I actually like this.

But it cost 8.99 at Tesco. A bit pricey... But I bought it to make cherry brandy cupcakes. My classmate Audry asked about it a while ago so I think I'm going to make it for valentines.


BTW, I sent a message to Nancy (that chick who had a crush on me before) if she wants chocolate for valentines. She replied, "Chocolate for valentines? What do you mean? But I'm losing weight now~ so no, thanks so much!!!"
Apparently, she doesn't know what valentines is... How sad.

Oh and also the presentation went fine. Our group was the last and I was last to talk in the group and everyone was looking forward to going home because it was the last class today. When I was talking, everyone was (not everyone, i guess...) looking at me like "Hey I haven't seen you for a while, where were you?" Well, I'm just glad it's over.

That story in the Song and Story night.

Story from the Song and Story Night

It was the second S&S night and I enjoyed it as the first time. David is such a good story teller/entertainer. The first story really made an impression to me so I'll write it here so that I don't forget it.

-------------------------------------------------
March always wore a hat. It was because he had a big secret that even his wife didn't know about. He had unusual ears. He had horse ears. But there was one person who he couldn't hide hide his secret. ----The hair dresser.
One day, March went to the hair dresser. When the hair dresser saw his ears, he exclaimed "what...? how....?!" March told him, "You must tell no one or I will kill you." The hair dresser said, "I will tell no one."
So the hair dresser was to keep a secret. But hair dressers are people who like to talk. To gossip. But the hair dresser kept his promise.
However, keeping a secret started to become a burden for him. He became ill and weak because of it.
The hairdresser went to the doctor about it. The doctor asked him, "what it the secret? I cannot help you if you don't tell me the secret." The hairdresser said, "I can't tell you. It's a secret." The doctor replied, "Well, if you don't tell someone, you will die soon."
The hairdresser went away. He went out among the forest and to a meadow. He got on his hands knees and spoke to the earth. "March has horse ears. Long ears he has."

This story takes place at the time of King Arthur. One day when the king visited this city. The piper played his pipe. This pipe was a new pipe made from a plant collected from near the meadow. As he played his pipe, the pipe began to sing. It sang, "March has horse ears . Long ears he has."
The king asked "March, is this true?" March's face became bright red and said, "No it is not true." King Arthur told him to take off his hat. He could not disobey the king. He took off his hat. Out came the long horse ears. King Arthur exclaimed "What great ears! Those are the best ears I have ever seen! Those are more magnificent than my horse's ears."
All the people admired March's ears. March became proud of his ears and never wore his hat to hide then again.

-------------------------------------------------

As I listened to this story, it made me think how nice it would be to be out and not keep everything a secret. Then again, even if I'm out, I wouldn't be exactly "out and proud" because I'm rarely proud of being trans. Because being trans sucks ass. I'd rather have horse ears than be trans.

Last friday night & first week of class

There was a night out with the LGBTQ group last friday night. We got together at the Ram (a bar run by the student's guild (Exeter's student's union)) at 8 pm, then walked down to another bar, then went to the Vaults (local gay bar) at 11pm. I didn't drink anything at the first two places but I had one glass of orange juice at Vaults. What else did I do? Well, I danced for 2.5 hours straight! (...or rather, 2.5 hours gay.) I even danced with 2 random fat gay girls. It was crazzzzyyyyy! I had a lot of fun! I came back at almost 3 am. Oh and I remember eating 6 bananas that day. I think that was why I was able to dance for such a long time.

This week, the class actually started. The subjects are pretty boring; writing, listening and speaking, reading and study skills, maths and biology.

One thing I can say is the maths teacher is rubbish. (That's what the japanese/french guy said.)

Surprisingly, I think I'm going to enjoy biology. Although the new vocabulary is overwhelming, the teacher is nice and it's actually interesting. Knowing how the body works is really interesting for me, especially now that I'm really into knowing more about nutrition. I even borrowed a book from the library about nutrition. I'm taking notes about each elements such as vitamin A,C, B, and other minerals. I want to get the note taking done and focus on biology.

Oh and I also became the person for Student Staff Liaison Committee for foundation science. Each course apparently has to have one person to represent the course. And I became the person. The reason was that the teacher told us it would look good on my CV and other people didn't want to do it. I thought I might as well take responsibility if I like to boss around the people who use our kitchen, you know?

Annnndddd I caught a cold on Monday and haven't feeling the best this week. Which is why I can't go partying with the LGBTQ people tonight. I had to carry a box of tissues all week and I had fever on Tuesday night. That's always how my colds go. Runny nose -> fever -> cough. I'm in the last phase now. I have a sore throat. I'll take it slow this weekend.

Aaaaannnnnnddddd we had a fire alarm last night (like every night). Last night was cold. I was talking with Lina (my former class mate. Chinese girl.) that "it's really cold tonight, aren't you cold?" I told Lina that I've been ill this week. And somehow I managed to hug her. I wondered why I was able to do that because I usually avoid physical contact with anyone other than a family member. And it was nice. After the fire alarm stopped and we went inside, Lina brought me a Chinese medicine for my cold and we talked in the kitchen for a while. AND today, she cooked me dinner! She said she made it because she thought I might not want to cook if I'm sick. I was already in the middle of making my dinner --- spaghetti. I gave her half of my spag. I liked her dinner but I was stuffed by the time I had my dinner and her's. She's really nice. And thank Gaga she already has a boyfriend. No drama attached.

Need to learn to give up...

One of them bought a 4 pint bottle of milk. And they bought 3 of them. 12 pints of milk... Really?
What's more, the same person occupied one third of the fridge! I felt really sorry for the guy who had to put his food in other spaces.
And as for the russian chick, I know she was in her room at the time of the flat meeting. She didn't attend. It's absolutely hopeless.


My new English class is completely different than my previous class. Theres hardly any Chinese people. What I mean by that is there's one girl from Hong Kong and I'm not sure if that's exactly Chinese.
There's students from: Nigeria, Turkey, Oman, Sri Lanka, Hong Kong, Singapore, Malaysia, and half French half Japanese guy.
These people are 16-23 years old. One Nigerian guy asked, who old are you and later, he revealed that he's 16. He look like he's 28 or something. He's big and macho. Another Turkish guy asked me the same question. He was an average looking guy. He has facial hair like a regular guy. He's 18... The same as me. The half french half Japanese guy is short but has a very deep voice. He's also 18.

I
HATE
BEING
TRANS.

I'm not.

I got a friend request on facebook from my former class mate the other day. We'd been in the same class for 3 years and I don't remember having a single conversation with him. I accepted his request anyway. According to his profile, he was the one who went to Kyoto University. One of the few students who made the teacher happy. I'm obviously not one of them. But I am extremely relieved that I came to Exeter. Looking at the photos on his facebook, I can see how his life hasn't changed. Like going to university is a mere extent of high school.

He made me think back of my life at high school. How the teacher told me the class was better off without me. How he wanted to me to go the other classes but decided not to remove me because he was considerate of my "situation." How he wanted me to go to a Japanese university because I had been receiving scholarships for three years that I didn't even apply to. How he and the other class teacher talked about absolutely nothing for hours after school. How he was hallucinatory about being a good English teacher when he very clearly wasn't.

I absolutely despise every single aspect of my teacher. Now that I'm getting (or rather, going to get) REAL education, I should be the one laughing now. But I'm not. I'm just living a happy life. And I don't feel sorry for the guy who went to Kyoto university. Nor to another guy who is studying an extra year to get into a decent university. I don't have any negative feelings towards any of my former classmates. They all did what they were expected/wanted/had to do. It's their life. It's just that the teacher should get a fucking life. Or not. He may have looked after me for 2 years, but I'm not thankful for him. At all. And I hope I don't ever hear his voice, talk to him, or hear what he's up to. Because I couldn't care less.

Movin on

I had dinner with Tsuzuki-san who use to be my class mate. She isn't going to university but is studying in a cram school for the next entrance exam.
We talked about who's in which university and what her class mate at the cram school ask her advice for. I told her how working at Aeon has been an amazing experience and how everything I learned in high school won't compare with what I've learned there. The conversation about who went were was very trivial to me. I really don't care. I didn't even remember half of who she was talking about. Her friend asking what she should text the person she has a crush on? WhatEVER! Doesn't she have something else to worry about?
Waiting an extra year to enter university is just waste of time in my opinion. I'm not even in England and I'm already glad that I'm going. I can't imagine going to a Japanese university. Honestly.

reality

Why am i going to study in the UK?
What am i going to study in pre-sessional English from July to September?
Am i good enough for this? It's been 7 months since I last studied anything and I've forgotten a lot.
What kind of preparation should I be doing right now?
Why do i want to study further when i hate studying?
Will I be able to make it through without breaking down?
I'm so comfortable where i am now, that I wish could stay like this forever.

I have nearly ZERO critical thinking skills...

"You need to be able to reflect about it in a logical and objective way, recognising all the pros and cons that there might be."

My original definition of Critical Thinking was like "always disagree and bash the other person's opinion completely."

I think that's why I couldn't write something constructive in the previous China post. I read the comments after writing that post and was actually really surprised that there were lots of various opinions about the things that the speaker said. The smallest statement was examined and commented.

And I now know a partial reason why Elka and KC's podcasts are so interesting to listen to---because they critically watch the show and comment on it. They have opinions on most of the scenes and predict what's going to happen next. I'm a passive audience---they are active audiences.

This is probably one of the most important skills that should be taught at school.
And this is probably one of the skills I will gain in the UK.

And the lack of this skill is probably why the Japanese media sucks so fucking bad. (Start watching this from 4:30)

What Japanese scholars don't understand...

"...it is the writer's responsibility to make their argument clear."

If those people knew that, then we wouldn't have to learn how to figure out what they are trying to say in all those difficult books. (Which only some achieve to do.) It's ridiculous.

Center Test...

I went to see them of because I live near where the exam is held. To my surprise, most of them looked pretty relaxed. I wonder whether the had their poker faces on today like they always do. The girl who sits next to me looked tense as I feared. I know she gets extremely nervous at tests. that's why she couldn't get into the high school she wanted to go to. I hope she does well. I hoped to say something to M but he didn't notice me. I found that if you're not wearing it's less likely that classmates notice you. I should have worn my uniform. But it was really cold!!!!!!!! I couldn't stand there in my uniform for more than an hour!!!! Jeez!

Guess What!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I GOT A PLACE AT EXETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEYYYYYY!!!!! I'll be leaving for the UK in July and meanwhile, I'll do some volunteer work and/or work part time.
The first activity is the day after tomorrow. I'm going to World Vision Tokyo office and volunteer once a week until the end of February. Also I'll volunteer in farming.

Am I Bad?

This guy YM who is probably the second brightest in my class has been eyeing me for quite a while now.

Before winter break, we happened to go out of the school building together and he abruptly asked me what he should do with the two tickets for Tokyo Disneyland that his mum gave him.
I suggested that he should ask M who he said he liked last year. His reply was "Nah. It would be awkward. I've never even talked to her."
So I said "Why don't you go with H (our annoying friend)? Going on a roller coaster with him would be funny." Again, he said "Two guys going to Disneyland together? That's not gonna happen." I said "How about Y (another friend of ours)?" "No for the same reason." God, what's he trying to get at!?
I didn't say I can go with him because I swore to myself that I would not go to Disneyland after my first and last visit there which was really traumatic.
And why is he thinking about Disneyland when all he is supposed to think about is studying for the entrance exam?
After a few days, I got a chance to talk to him and so I asked him whether he made up his mind about who to got to Disneyland with. He said "No, I haven't decided yet." and BLUSHED! Jesus! He's the kind of guy who NEVER blushes! He doesn't even have enough blood circulation to blush!
Anyway, I decided not to go asking about the Disneyland thing any more. I shouldn't distract him from what he's supposed to be concentrating on. Although, it wasn't me who started it!

This isn't all the evidence that I think he's eyeing me. I'm not going to write in detail but I see in the corner of my eye that he looks at me very often.

Whether or not I'm right that he likes me, I thought I might as well do something before graduating and regretting it.

Yesterday, we had to clean the classroom (even though we cleaned it before the holidays). I was wiping each cell where we put our sports shoes. H was wiping from the other side of the row at first. By the time I got half way, I looked up to find H had miraculously disappeared and YM was doing the job! I said to him, "Hey I thought H was doing this!" He replied, "Yeah, I took the cloth from him."
I knew he was doing the sweeping earlier and nobody chooses wiping over sweeping, right? So I was like, "Imma take any possible opportunity to get close to him!"

Who knew that would come so soon!?

We both washed the cloth after wiping. And it's winter, the water is obviously really cold. Our hands got cold and we were talking about not being able to move our hands. A classmate K came up to us and came into the conversation. K started to squeeze YMs hand to make it warm. My hands always get warm relatively quick, so I joined in.

That's quite a big thing for me. Squeezing someones hand.
I didn't get to hold my first girlfriend's hand, OK?
I hope that kind of chance comes again before graduation. :-)

But I can't feeling guilty that I'm being kind of seductive. Am I bad?

Hmmm.... Very interesting...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fafP3HM4tWE

I think I'm going to be an eagle... Stay in this country will make me a chicken.

Happy

I think my classmates should listen to this... They are going nuts. :(

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTSgoXAXddk

About the Speech Thing

When: November 10th
Register starts at 9:00
First speech stars 10:10
Ends: 14:00
Where: Ibaraki-ken-ritsu library 3rd floor Mito
Who: me and 12 other people will talk about shit.
Why: because we don't have anything better to do.

Taking photos or videos are prohibited.
We can't practice before it starts.

Am I going to this thing on my own? If so, I am sure I will get lost going there. :)

39!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My guesses saved me!!!!!

God, I'm sorry for blaming you for making the universe so complicating. It doesn't matter now because I passed the test.

Just a Quick Update...

I've been busy doing nothing.... OK I was doing some things like cleaning my room. Now it's junk free! I couldn't believe how much shit I had accumulated over the years. I threw away books I used in junior high and papers I will never look at. Heaps of paper went to the recycle. It took all weekend. Meanwhile, my class mates had another mock test on Saturday. Not something unusual... They are taking mock tests all the time!!! We even have one this weekend too.

I got some info on the next speech contest. It's in Kenritsu Library in Mito. I'm the 3rd person to give the speech. I will write about it tomorrow because I don't have the paper with me.

Tomorrow is my big day. I get the Chemistry test back which I can swear I totally failed. I know I think this way for every test but this time, I knew I fail right after the test started. There weren't so many questions I answered with confidence. I think I have to take another test in December to graduate... I thought Chemistry is the perfect proof that God doesn't exist when the test was over.

Sports Day

I was so pissed off today.

I had learnt from last year's sports day that it's wise to put sunscreen on and wear sunglasses when you have to sit outside on a sunny day. I should do anything to not expose myself to the sun. Sunburn kills!

Today was very sunny and hot sports day.
So, obviously, I put sunscreen on and brought my sunglasses.
We had the opening ceremony, I did the first game (two teams had to pull poles in to our territory-I couldn't even TOUCH the poles! The others were fast! Not that I care...lol), went back to our waiting place. I took out my umbrella and wore my sunglasses.
I was just sitting there, minding my own business.
Then, who should come but the most talented person in pissing me off-my class teacher, Mr K.
He was coming to chat with the boys. I saw him coming but I was looking at the people who were adding up the points.
He saw me and a second later, he said, "Hey take your sunglasses off!"
I did as I was told thinking "oh here he goes again..."

But my friends who were sitting next to me said
"WTF!?!?!? Umbrella is ok and sunglasses are NOT!?"
"I want to ask him when they banned sunglasses."
"There are teachers wearing them, so why can't students wear them?"

I was listening to them complain more than I would. I didn't think they would because I thought I was the biggest Mr K hater.
The situation was unreasonable for the non-haters, apparently.

Maybe he was jealous because I have a little more brain than other people and learnt from last year's experience and he hasn't learnt the same thing even though he has attended far more sports days than I have.
Maybe he was jealous because I looked good wearing the thing. (I know this because the girls told me that I looked good-they even took pictures of me!)
Maybe he thought I was just trying to be cool (which is SO not the reason why I was wearing them-I was trying to PROTECT MY EYES FROM THE SUN!!!!)
Maybe he thought it was overpowering because wearing sunglasses isn't-I think-very common in Japan. (what a pussy)
Maybe he's just a big weenie.

Whatever his reason was, I was pissed.
So what did I do after this?
Well, I tried my best to help the others (who are more "valuable" than me because they are going to a Japanese university) and made a shade for them with my umbrella.
This is because Mr K told me before the summer holidays that I should do anything to support the valuable people until we graduate.
Which is why I clean the blackboard after every class and take the trash out.
I think I'm doing my best.
I hope he's satisfied.
Because I'm beginning to get paranoid that I'm not doing enough.
Which is the way I am sometimes.
Which causes me to feel worthless sometimes.



Anyway.
It's good to get that off my chest.


Sports day ended early than planned because so many students got hyperthermia. Even the ambulance came.

What I thought of today-I was happy to come home early.

The Hundred Years' War (1337-1453)

Story...

The war began because:

• England wanted France's land and France wanted England's land.
• France didn't like the fact that England ruled a large part of France.

The Battle of Crecy(1346)
This took place in northern France. Historians consider this battle as the beginning of the end(終焉の始まり) of classic chivalry(騎士道).

The Battle of Calais(1347)
After winning the battle of Crecy, the English army marched(行進) to Calais and began a siege(包囲攻撃) which lasted a year. England turned it into a military base(拠点) and it remained in England's hands until 1558.

The Battle of Poitiers(1356)
This happened because Edward and the Black Prince attacked France. King John II of France chased after Edward and this caused two forces to meet outside Poitiers. France nearly won but England won in the end.

The Battle of Harfleur(1415)
Henry V landed in France with about 10,000 men in the summer of 1415. This battle lasted for about a month. Although England won, the army was severely depleted(枯渇した) mainly from illness.

The Battle of Agincourt(1415)
Henry marched his force of about 6,000 knights(騎士) and archers(射手) towards Calais. During this time, the French army of 20,000 managed to position itself between Henry and Calais.
Joan De Ark(1412-1431)
Around 1429, Joan appeared at the court of Charles VII. Charles allowed Joan to lead a relief force(援軍) in April to Orléans. In May, Joan attacked the English at Orléans. She drove the English from their positions. The next day they abandoned the siege. This meant that military advantage now lay with the French.