Wednesday, 22 February 2012

What does life supposed to feel like?

I don't know why I'm going to study psychology. I don't even know why I'm still in education. I felt so fulfilled when I was working in the supermarket and searching for a job for summer makes me really happy. I want to work and earn money rather than study psychology.
The whole reason I chose to study psychology was because I wasn't interested in other subjects and I wanted to fix whatever was wrong with me. Which was why I was obsessively reading book about psychological disorders.
Right now I feel like I'm wasting my parents money by going to class, learning nothing, coming back to my room, eating mashed potatoes or whatever like crazy, spending hours on the internet, and sleeping. Cooking now and then. That's basically all I do. Really. I feel empty.
I know I shouldn't be having doubts but it makes me wonder everyone else enjoys studying at university or if it's something they do because they are supposed to.

Tuesday, 14 February 2012

One thing that annoys me

I hate it when people use the abbreviation "LGBT" when they really mean "LGB". Us transgender people get ignored a lot and I wish there was a better word that doesn't combine homosexuality and transgenderism together. It's annoying.

Thursday, 9 February 2012

I actually like this.

But it cost 8.99 at Tesco. A bit pricey... But I bought it to make cherry brandy cupcakes. My classmate Audry asked about it a while ago so I think I'm going to make it for valentines.

BTW, I sent a message to Nancy (that chick who had a crush on me before) if she wants chocolate for valentines. She replied, "Chocolate for valentines? What do you mean? But I'm losing weight now~ so no, thanks so much!!!"
Apparently, she doesn't know what valentines is... How sad.

Oh and also the presentation went fine. Our group was the last and I was last to talk in the group and everyone was looking forward to going home because it was the last class today. When I was talking, everyone was (not everyone, i guess...) looking at me like "Hey I haven't seen you for a while, where were you?" Well, I'm just glad it's over.

Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Practising tomorrows presentation....

I know I'm crap at talking but I didn't think it was this bad!
I'm practising this thing right now and i'm like, "the first disadvantage is that.........uhhhhhhhhh............there will advantage for...." ""
What is wrong with me??????? Really. And for some reason I stutter when I talk to my classmates now. WTFFFFFFFF

Tuesday, 7 February 2012

I don't want to seek attention so i guess this is the best place to bitch.

so today i didn't speak at all. like yesterday. i didn't even meet anyone yesterday. the day before, i only spoke to my parents on skype. I've been depressed since last Tuesday. don't know what the cause was but I've been unable to crawl back up again. I went to a slow food event tonight which I'd signed up for quite a while ago. I wouldn't have gone if i hadn't paid in advance. I didn't talk much there either. Lauren, who is one of the members, told me to "mingle" and tried to make me smile but i couldn't. Its like i don't exist in class as well. The psychology class don't interest me either. They started like 2 weeks ago and its depressing to think I'm going to study it for the next 3 years. then again, i don7t have anything else that i can do instead. i want to cut but i'm afraid i don't be able to stop for 5months again.
fuck this im going to bed.

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Honey Ale

I'm drinking this thing right now.

It's awfully unappetising. It doesn't taste of honey.

Friday, 3 February 2012

First drink I bought myself...

I bought it to take to the Italian Night with the Slow Food society (ate way too much) but ended up just drinking water. I'll drink it in my room tonight.