Friday, 30 September 2011

The answer to a simple question can't be more confusing

Today, I met someone very interesting. I asked her where she was from. I thought she was Chinese like all the other Asians. How wrong was I!?
Her dad is British. Her mum is half Chinese, half Filipino. She was born in America. But she has been living in Dubai for the last 10 years. She has a British passport. Her first language is English and she speaks American English. She also knows Italian, French, Latin, Arabic.
And she can't answer "I'm British" because she looks Chinese. No one would believe her. Including myself. :P
But we both agreed that it's annoying when everyone says "really?" when I say "I'm Japanese" and she says "I'm British."

Thursday, 29 September 2011

Bitching about the new residents

I probably wrote the same exact thing when I first came here with the previous residents but I need to write it again.

I can't imagine why anyone who is older than 15 wouldn't know how to successfully do the dishes and put them on the rack next to the sink. I mean, it's the simplest house hold action. And can't they figure out to put the dry dishes back to the cupboard to make space to put new wet dishes? Don't they have any piece of common sense??????????????? It's astonishing how they don't. Or maybe I'm too mature. Or maybe I'm not tolerating. I'm tolerating it through writing and releasing the tension.

And wtf is this person putting their own food in my space of the fridge? Just because I'm super organised with a manageable amount of veg doesn't mean someone else can invade my space.
When the other residents were still here, we were saying that if there's someone else's food in your place, you have the right to eat it... But since it's been less than a week since the new people moved in, I decided to put the food in the space where there's similar food. The food that was in my space was pastry and coke. There was the same package in the lower shelf and that shelf was full-ish but there was still space to put both pastry and coke so I stuffed it in there. I think it's important to correct this kind of annoying habits earlier than keeping silent and bitch about it on my blog.

I seriously hope these fucking people learn how to live or at least look after the kitchen properly. I now realize how well previous people got along. I miss them so much. :(

Wednesday, 28 September 2011

LGBTQ group

Meet and greet was on Tuesday. I went 45 mins late because I had to register before going there. When I finally went, they had changed the room... Double booking. Typical British error. Anyway, it took about 10 mins to find the real room. When I finally got there, they were reading out jokes. I didn't get most of them. I couldn't get into other conversations either. Everyone was talking and I found it impossible to cut in, if that's the right expression. There were moments where I thought I could say something but my mouth refused to move. Then some of us moved over to the bar and talked some more. I just went for the sake of going. I didn't talk then either. Not the best impression. But at least I smiled.

Today was Arts and crafts lunch. This was more relaxed. I talked a little bit. It was easier to say something because we were drawing. Distraction helps a lot. There were more people than yesterday. But I talked with some people who came yesterday because the table was long. There was a guy who looked just like Adam Lambert. Nice. I think I saw someone who is FTM but I didn't talk to them. I think I did better than yesterday. :)

Also, I might make an appointment with my doctor for depression. I'm finding that having fun during the day makes me depressed at night. He should be able to help.

Monday, 26 September 2011

Does this look genuine?



It was Meiko's birthday yesterday.

I posted on facebook that I had make cupcakes on friday like I posted on this blog a few days ago. Meiko and Miny said they want to eat them. So they came over yesterday at two. I baked specially for them but because I knew from facebook that it was Meiko's birthday, I decorated with silver decoration "MEIKO :)" on each cake. I had bought the decoratioon at Tesco earlier that day.
The letters turned out wonkey but she liked it so I was glad. We all had a great time... At least I hope so. :)

Why I had fun on freshers week day 1 without doing much.

Because I was with someone all the time.
I was with Ivan, Justin, Ryan, (ex-classmates) Miny, Meiko, and Sarah(new friend Miny brought along because she is Korean... same as Miny). It felt like I actually had friends. Like, real friends that I hang out with. Although it's only one day. I don'tknow, maybe we'll stick together tomorrow too. But there's a LGBTQ meet and greet tomorrow so I'll have to detach for a couple of hours. I'm looking forward to it though. Nervous and excited.

The people who moved in to the rooms around me... Well, the first impression isn't so good. There's 1 Chinese guy (ADD-ish), 1 Chinese girl (shy 16 yr old)(They are both very nice), 1 Azerbaijani guy (seemed super shy but the big guy, who turned out to be his cousin, protected him.), 1 Russian girl (looks anorexicly skinny. Doesn't smile or talk unless I talked to her. Came with mum.). There's supposed to be someone next to me but haven't met them yet.
I'm realizing how the previous residents were very sociable. I miss them. :/

Saturday, 24 September 2011

I'm not.

I got a friend request on facebook from my former class mate the other day. We'd been in the same class for 3 years and I don't remember having a single conversation with him. I accepted his request anyway. According to his profile, he was the one who went to Kyoto University. One of the few students who made the teacher happy. I'm obviously not one of them. But I am extremely relieved that I came to Exeter. Looking at the photos on his facebook, I can see how his life hasn't changed. Like going to university is a mere extent of high school.

He made me think back of my life at high school. How the teacher told me the class was better off without me. How he wanted to me to go the other classes but decided not to remove me because he was considerate of my "situation." How he wanted me to go to a Japanese university because I had been receiving scholarships for three years that I didn't even apply to. How he and the other class teacher talked about absolutely nothing for hours after school. How he was hallucinatory about being a good English teacher when he very clearly wasn't.

I absolutely despise every single aspect of my teacher. Now that I'm getting (or rather, going to get) REAL education, I should be the one laughing now. But I'm not. I'm just living a happy life. And I don't feel sorry for the guy who went to Kyoto university. Nor to another guy who is studying an extra year to get into a decent university. I don't have any negative feelings towards any of my former classmates. They all did what they were expected/wanted/had to do. It's their life. It's just that the teacher should get a fucking life. Or not. He may have looked after me for 2 years, but I'm not thankful for him. At all. And I hope I don't ever hear his voice, talk to him, or hear what he's up to. Because I couldn't care less.

Friday, 23 September 2011


I just finished baking 15 cupcakes (3 of which are already consumed.) It's the first time to bake something from scratch without my mum's help. I went to Poundland to get some cupcake cups. There was a choice of buying 75 paper cups or 6 silicone ones. I'm glad I chose the silicone ones because I don't have to worry about using it all up. But I had to bake 3 times. 6, 6, and then 3.
I'm enjoying cooking a lot. I've been buying new foods like curry powder and tortillas. And when I went to my grandma's house, I brought back a book about cupcakes and 3 pretty old cookbooks by Delia Smith. I'm looking forward to cooking new dishes!! I used to love watching Delia Smith's cookery programs on TV when I was little with my mum. :)

Wednesday, 21 September 2011


During this 2 week holiday, I've been trying to try new food. Today, I went and bought tortillas. I also wanted to buy oyster but I couldn't find any at Tesco or M&S. I know that oysters aren't for vegetarians but I read that "oysters are naturally low in fat, sodium, and calories. They are also a very good source of high quality protein, polyunsaturated fatty acids, and iron." I think I'll try other small shops on Saturday because I'm going to my grandma's tomorrow. :)

Saturday, 17 September 2011


I won't get into a relationship with someone who I can't hold a conversation with. I mean, I asked Nancy how long it took to come back from Scotland and she replied "a week."

I think I'm safe until someone else tries something crazy. :/

Sunday, 11 September 2011

End of course "Black N White" PARTY!!!!

On Friday night, it was the Black n White party (because we had to wear black, white or both).
 It took me quite a while to "get into the groove" but after 2 hours of drinking orange juice and watching others dance, I joined in too. I genuinely had a great time.
 ...Hence the big smile on my face. :-) This is K, who is one of the Summer Support Team. They work for INTO and looks after us during the summer.

If you remember Nancy, who I walked around St. Ives with, well, I kind of have a relationship problem with her.

On Thursday, all my flatmates and some of their friends got together in our kitchen to have dinner. I cooked spaghetti tomato sauce and garlic bread. There was quite a lot of food.
Anyway, Summer (who used to live in the opposite room) insisted me on sitting next to Nancy and get closer to each other. I had been getting to vibe that Summer and some of the others were trying to get us closer.

A few week earlier, when I went to the kitchen, there was Summer, Yang, and Nancy. They were talking Chinese (obviously, because they are all Chinese.) and as I walked in, Summer and Yang giggled. I sort of knew that they were talking about me. When I asked "what what what???" they didn't tell me anything. But I could tell that something was up with Nancy.

After Thursday's party when most people had gone back, the same members were left in the kitchen; Summer, Yang, Nancy and me. Summer insisted on Nancy and I take a photo together. We did. We talked. Summer eventually told me that Nancy likes me. even though Nancy was with us. I said I like her too. As a friend.  After I went back to my room, I felt bad for Nancy because it wasn't her that told me this. I know how it feels to be dumped without even telling the person yourself. I think everyone has the right to disclose their feelings when THEY feel comfortable. Not be forced.
So I sent a message to Nancy on facebook that I didn't mean to hurt her. She replied that it was ok. I said let's just be friends. She said yes.
I thought that was sorted.

*sighs* How wrong was I?

During the black and white party, Nancy brought up the topic.
She said, "I don't want you to be embarrassed."
Me: "no I'm not. It's cool."
Nancy: "But I like you."
Me: "I like you too."

I mean, I totally meant it like as a friend. What else was I supposed to say?

When we were coming home from the black n white party, she asked me if she could leave her laptop and other personal stuff in my room while she goes to Scotland for a week. Of course I said yes. Her  two black bags and a folder are in my closet.

So that's the story.

And how is this a problem?

It's because:
  1.  I don't want to be in a relationship.
  2. All my trans friends say it's a bad idea to lie.
  3. I don't want another heartbreak; for her and myself.
  4. Her English isn't that good.
  5. She seems like a person who likes to spend money on clothes, judging from her fashion.
  6. I'm not interested in her.
  7. She likes spicy food.
I talked to my MTF friend Hannah about this and she said,
"grab her boobs kiss her neck and ferociously make out with her.
just kidding. dont take my advice. its horrible. LOL
is she attractive?"

Shane "yeah i guess she is.
i'm not looking for relationships.
but at the same time, i think i have to take whoever comes.
I mean, i don't really deserve to choose, do i?"

Hannah "lol meh. Not really. I cant choose either."

Shane "and i'm not out.... so i don't want to lie to her."

Hannah "No one knows your trans!?!?!"

Shane "i told one girl because she told me she's gay.
other than her, i don't think anyone knows."

Hannah "Oh.
Well thats gotta be nerve racking."

Shane "yup"

Hannah "and yeah it might be a good idea to avoid relationships unless your prepared to tell people.
it can really upset people if they feel like you lied to them."

Shane "your right...
how sad."

Hannah "or you could just not have sex."

Shane "but that's kind of lying too.
i think i'll just give her a hug and get it over with."

Hannah "how will that get it over with?"

Shane "is that a bad idea?
is it misleading??"

Hannah "I just dont understand what you think hugging her will do.
what are you trying to accomplish by hugging her

Shane "idk i just want to hug someone other than my pillow.
i haven't hugged anyone for over 2 months and now i'm missing it.
so i thought i can hug her."

Hannah "well if she likesss youu
the she will think you like herrrr
then she will want to dateeee
then your stuck in a relationship"

Shane "fuuuuuuuuu--------"

Hannah "lol"

Shane "so what am i supposed to do?? grab her boobs and kiss her passionately? lol"

Hannah "LMFAO Idk"

Shane "what would you want a guy to do when you know he knows that you like him?"

Hannah "I would want him to like me back"

Shane "i like her as a friend. and i'll probably fall madly in love with her if i keep thinking about this. because that's always the case. and then i get out of control. because love is fucking crazyyyy"

I love Hannah. She always gets me. I hope I will get to meet her in person someday. She lives in Oregon...

By the last sentence, I meant, once I fall in love with someone, I get uncontrollably in love. Like, I can't stop myself from doing really creepy things. Which is probably one of the reasons my ex dumped me. She got creeped out.

ANYWAY! I hope this situation will go away in a good way very soon.

Thursday, 8 September 2011

You know you deserve to be arrested when... start obsessively googling the teacher's name.

I'm going to miss all the teachers now that my English course is over. :'(
We are getting our reports tomorrow.