Liar

Things not to say to a depressed person:

If you'd just stop thinking like a victim, you'd get over this. You control your life! Act like it!
Look on the bright side.
It could be worse.
You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself, there are others much worse off than you.
You think YOU'VE got problems... let me tell you what's going on with me!

"The problem with depression is no one can see the wheelchair or the crutches. If they could, they'd be more careful about what they say."


Things that I have written in my blog or other works are not always my feelings. I've become so used to lying about feelings or saying the right things since I was little. I wrote letters to my cram school teacher and that was the only time I wrote things I really felt. And that includes the time when I self harmed. I didn't write things I was expected to say as a "bright intelligent sensible kid."
And self harm is not my past. It's the future too. I don't want to act sensible or try to be a role model or act like it has gone away. Because it hasn't. This blog's title is not "The Clown." It's named "Stop Looking, Start Seeing." Self harm isn't easily overcome. It's not in the past.
And comparing someone's situation with someone else's sometimes doesn't work.

In a nut shell, I'm a fucked up person and a liar who has always tried to meet other people's expectations.